Joining a mastermind group for women in business was supposed to be a career boost, a chance to connect with other leaders, share insights, and find guidance. I’d been working with this coach for a year, believing she saw my worth and was invested in helping me grow. But a turning point came during one of our major in-person gatherings that felt like a blow to everything I thought I was building.
The coach had planned an event where every mastermind member was invited to speak. Well, everyone except me. Being left out as the only member not asked to share felt personal—especially because I’m a professional speaker. I asked her directly, “Why was I left out?” Her response hit like a punch to the gut: “I just don’t see how you would add value to my audience.”
Her words landed like a brick. Here was someone I’d trusted, someone I believed saw my value and contributions, and now she was telling me I wasn’t worthy of a voice in the room? It felt like my confidence had just evaporated. Suddenly, all those months of guidance felt like a waste, and I questioned everything about my work and abilities.
But as those initial feelings of shock and hurt began to settle, something else surfaced—clarity. Her opinion stung, but it didn’t define my worth. I realized that, for her to hold that view, she simply didn’t know who I was or understand my value. And what a gift that realization was.
A Shift in Perspective
That moment taught me something invaluable: Anyone who doesn’t see my value doesn’t really know me. My value doesn’t vanish just because someone else can’t see it. This experience reminded me that validation doesn’t come from external recognition; it comes from within.
While I chose not to renew my coaching with her, I walked away from that mastermind with a profound lesson. When someone underestimates us, it says more about their understanding than it does about our worth. Sometimes, the rejection or doubt that feels like it’s killing our confidence is actually the push we need to reaffirm our own value.
Finding Resilience and Trusting My Value
As hurtful as her words were, I am grateful for the resilience they forced me to discover. Confidence isn’t about others approving or seeing what you bring to the table; it’s about knowing your own worth, regardless of others’ perceptions. Her rejection freed me from seeking approval and taught me that no single opinion can diminish what I know to be true about myself.
Sometimes, the people we trust to lift us up may inadvertently tear us down. But these are the moments where we can choose to reclaim our confidence, remind ourselves of our intrinsic value, and trust that those who truly see us will recognize our worth.
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, remember this: Your value isn’t dependent on someone else’s recognition. Thank those who don’t see your worth because they’ve given you the chance to see it even more clearly yourself.
Love, Olga
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