How to Stop Abandoning Yourself to Keep the Peace

If you’re someone who’s deeply compassionate, emotionally intelligent, and wired for harmony, you probably know this dance all too well:

Someone gets upset. The tension rises. And suddenly, you’re shrinking. Apologizing. Making it better. Not because you did something wrong—but because you’re afraid of what might happen if you don’t.

This is self-abandonment. And it often disguises itself as being "the bigger person," "keeping the peace," or "being emotionally mature."

Peace that costs you your voice is not peace. It’s a performance.

Why We Do It?

Many of us learned early on that love was conditional. That conflict was unsafe. That we had to earn rest, kindness, or acceptance.

So we became emotional contortionists. Experts in understanding everyone else’s needs, while burying our own. We developed compassion muscles and forgot our boundaries altogether.

But compassion without boundaries? That’s erosion. And it's exhausting.

What It Can Look Like:

• Saying "it's fine" when it's not

• Avoiding conflict at all costs

• Feeling guilty when you say no

• Being overly accommodating

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  Apologizing just to end a conversation

  
  

Sound familiar?

The Shift: From Self-Abandonment to Self-Respect

This work is not about becoming louder, meaner, or more rigid. It’s about becoming anchored in your own truth. Clear. Calm. Comfortable.

It’s about practicing what I call the Middle Zone: Not a doormat. Not a fireball. Just strong, steady self-respect.

Mantras to Anchor You:

Here are a few mantras to whisper to yourself in those high-stress moments:

• "Soft heart. Strong spine."

• "I hold space, not my breath."

• "Compassion. Boundaries. Both."

• "I love you. I’m also allowed to say no."

• "I don’t agree, and I’m okay with that."

  
  

Want to Go Deeper?

This is exactly what we explore in my 12-week group program, Reset Your Mindset. If you’re tired of folding yourself to keep relationships smooth—and you’re ready to live with calm clarity and quiet power—this is for you.

We start soon. Come home to yourself.

[Learn more and join us here.]

With love and spine, Olga