The Freedom That Comes From Letting It Be Both

Say good bye to "all or nothing" mindset 👋🏻

Ever catch yourself stuck between all or nothing?

You want to do things right, give your best, and stay true to what matters—but when life doesn’t unfold perfectly, you feel like you’ve failed.

I get it. That voice that says “either it’s working or it’s not” shows up for all of us.

It’s comforting in a way—it gives structure, certainty, and something to measure against. But, life rarely fits into those two boxes. The moments that shape us most usually live somewhere in between—where it’s not perfect and it’s still progress.

What is black-and-white thinking (and why it matters)

This pattern—also called “all-or-nothing,” “dichotomous thinking,” or “polarized thinking”—shows up when you see things in extremes.

It’s “perfect or useless,” “win or lose,” “good or bad,” with no room in between.

Here’s what research shows:

• It often goes hand in hand with anxiety, perfectionism, and emotional burnout.

• It creates emotional distress—shame, frustration, overwhelm—because anything less than “all good” feels like failure.

• It limits how you see yourself, your relationships, and your potential. When you’re locked into extremes, you miss all the grey areas where real growth happens.

  
  

How it shows up in everyday life:

Here are some familiar examples:

• Work: You miss a deadline and think, “I blew it,” instead of “I stumbled, but I’m still moving forward.”

• Relationships: A disagreement turns into “they don’t care about me” instead of “we see this differently, and we can talk about it.”

• Self-worth: You launch something new, and when it doesn’t land perfectly, you call it a failure instead of a step forward.

• Self-care: You think, “If I can’t do the full workout, why bother?” instead of, “Some movement is still good for me.”

  
  

Black-and-white thinking makes life feel smaller and heavier than it really is.

Why this matters for high achievers and helpers

If you’re someone who holds yourself to high standards—someone others turn to, someone who leads or supports—this mindset sneaks in quietly. It might sound like:

• “If I’m not calm, I’ve lost my mindfulness.”

• “If my plan doesn’t go perfectly, I’ve failed.”

• “If I can’t help everyone, I’m not doing enough.”

  
  

That constant measuring, proving, fixing—it’s exhausting. Your strength doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from staying steady while things are imperfect.

Three practical shifts to move into “this and that” thinking

1. Notice the language of extremes.

Watch for words like always, never, everyone, nothing. These are clues that your mind is in black-and-white mode. When you hear them, pause and ask, “Is that completely true?” or “What’s another way to look at this?”

2. Expand the possibilities.

When you catch yourself thinking in absolutes, name at least three other perspectives. For example:“I messed up this presentation” →

• “Some parts went well.”

• “I learned something I can use next time.”

• “It wasn’t perfect, but it moved the needle.”

  
  

3. Accept the and, not the or.

You can be proud and want more.Grateful and tired.Confident and unsure.The and gives you space to be fully human—it’s where real peace and resilience grow.

The truth about growth

When you let go of the need to define everything as success or failure, you make space for progress to unfold naturally. You start seeing yourself as a whole person, not a project to perfect. And that’s where freedom begins.

Ready for deeper change?

If you’re ready to explore how black-and-white thinking shows up in your life—and learn how to move toward a calmer, more balanced way of leading, loving, and living—I’d love to work with you privately.

Together, we’ll uncover the patterns keeping you stuck in extremes and build a mindset rooted in clarity, courage, and self-trust.

👉 Book a complimentary call here [link] and let’s start finding your middle ground—where real growth and freedom live.

With Love,

Olga